The entity reading this book (the reader) takes all responsibility for any and all accidents, mishaps, lawsuits, environmental damage, loss of income, loss of spousal affection, etc., etc. that may occur as a result of reading this book.

All characters are fictional, the figments of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to living or dead people is a figment of the reader’s imagination.

This novel may or may not help you make new friends and increase your income.

If you cannot afford to pay for this novel, the publisher will help in no way whatsoever help.

This offer is not an offer to buy this novel.

Some settling of the table of contents may have occurred during shipping.

Reader shall indemnify and hold the author harmless. (He really is harmless).

Do you own a publishing company? If you have a pension plan or 401K you probably own stock in the publisher of this novel. If so, the joke’s on you.

By reading this (too late!) you accept all terms and conditions.

This offer not valid in Nigeria or Alabama.